toocooltobehipster:

omfg this girl just asked me harry style’s number so i gave her my number instead and she rung it 3 minutes later and i played a sound clip of harry saying “hi” and she started screaming and crying and she was like going crazy but i had no other sound clips so i just had to keep playing the one that said hi but she was screaming and crying and kept saying omg for like 5 minutes then i hung up and blocked her number

soolooxcoopter:

obesealpaca:

When an employee at the McDonald’s drive through asks me how I’m doing, I always ask them back, just in case they need someone to talk to because you never know

Those fries could be salted with tears

So you’re the fucker who slows down the drive through

(via dailyloreena)

artninja-mcrockviking:

Mickey has nephews, Donald has nephews, Goofy has a son.

And he wasn’t adopted, he looks just like him.

Goofy……has had sex.
Goofy…..has known a woman biblically….

Imagine what it must’ve looked like.
Imagine what it sounded like.

These are the things I think about when I wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat.

(via badtvblog)